Here is a recitation from 1990 sung by devotees of Swami Lakshmanjoo from Utpaladeva’s Shivastotravali; an important text of Kashmir Shaivism. These hymns are sung in a traditional Kashmiri style.
Swami Lakshmanjoo was very fond of these verses and often requested his devotees to sing these sacred hymns. Below is a brief translation revealed by Swami Lakshmanjoo. The full translation is given in the book Hymns to Shiva, Songs of Devotion in Kashmir Shaivism, Utpaladeva’s Shivastotravali.
(sorry, the start of the audio is a bit mangled up!)
Saṁgrahastotranāma trayodaśastotraṁ (13th stotra)
māṁ prati sthitamidaṁ śṛiṇu prabho /
saukhyameṣa bhavatā samāgamaḥ
svāminā virahaḥ eva duḥkhitā // 1 //
O Lord! Please hear in brief, the definition of my pain and pleasure. Just to be in Thy presence is pleasure and being carried away from Thy presence brings deep pain.
yā tvadaprathanakālikāsti me /
tāmapīśa parimṛijya sarvataḥ
svaṁ svarūpamamalaṁ prakāśaya // 2 //
O Lord Śiva, I have a minute impurity (āṇavamala) in the internal state of my mind, which disturbs me and keeps me away from perceiving you. O Lord, please remove that impurity completely and reveal to me your pure form.
tāvake vapuṣi viśva-nirbhare
citsudhārasamaye niratyaye /
tiṣṭhataḥ satatamarcataḥ prabhuṁ
jīvitaṁ mṛitamathānyadastu me // 3 //
O Lord, I have only one longing, one deep desire. I would like to reside in Your universal body, which is everlasting and filled with the supreme nectar of God consciousness.
But don’t worry! I don’t want to just to rest and relax! I have so much work to do there, worshiping you day and night.
Then, O Lord! After obtaining this position of your constant worship, let me die in this universe, let me go to hell or let me go to heaven, I don’t care, so long as I have Your worship!
paṇdito’smi subhago’smi ko’paraḥ /
matsamo’sti jagatīti śobhate
mānitā tvadanurāgiṇaḥ param // 4 //
“I am Īśvara . . . I am myself Lord Śiva . . . I am beautiful . . . I am charming . . . I am learned . . . I am a scholar . . . I am liked by everybody . . . who else is parallel to me in this world!”
O Lord, this kind of ego is appropriate and shines beautifully only in those who have got love and attachment for Thee.
devadeva bhavadadvayāmṛitā –
khyātisaṁharaṇa labdhajanmanā /
tadyathāsthita – padārthasaṁvidā
māṁ kuruṣva caraṇārcanocitam // 5 //
O Lord of Lords! What else have I to do in this world except worship you?
Still, I am not capable of worshiping you fully, unless my senses become nectarized by the oneness of Your God consciousness. Therefore O Lord, I pray that by your touch of oneness, whatever is perceived by these senses of sound, touch, form, taste and smell, let it be born afresh that I may be worthy of worshipping your feet.
dhyāyate tadanu dṛiśyate tataḥ
spṛiśyate ca parameśvaraḥ svayam /
yatra pūjanamahotsavaḥ sa me
sarvadāstu bhavato’nubhāvataḥ // 6 //
There is a great festival of your worship where you, O Lord Śiva, are meditated upon, perceived and embraced automatically, without effort.
O Lord, I know I am not worthy, and if you say, “I have no claim on this festival,” still, by your grace, let that worship be attained by me, so that I should remain in that festival always.
yuṣmadarcana-mahotsavaśca yaḥ /
bhaktiśāliṣu sadā vijṛimbhate // 7 //
O Lord, there are two movements in this great festival of your creation. One is for those who perceive things in a worldly way. The other unique way shines only in your devotees, i.e. as soon as they perceive worldly activities, they get entry in God consciousness.
sarvabhāvacasakeṣu pūrite –
ṣvāpibannapi bhaveyamunmadaḥ // 8 //
O Lord! Please hear my one desire.
Let the goblets of the objects of the five senses be filled with the heady elixir (wine) of eternal life, that I may continually drink my fill and become madly intoxicated.
svaprakāśamakhilaṁ vijṛimbhate /
yatra nātha bhavataḥ pure sthitiṁ
tatra me kuru sadā tavārcituḥ // 9 //
There is one place in this universe O Lord, where no object is felt and everything is understood as transcendental God consciousness. Please grant me a visa so I may go there.
And if you ask, “why should you grant me that visa,” my answer is.
“Where else shall I go, when there is only one desire left in me, and that is to worship you?”
svecchayaiva parameśvara tvayā /
darśanena na kimasmi pātritaḥ
pādasaṁvāhanakarmaṇāpi vā // 10 //
O Lord, Parameśvara! It is by your will alone, that I have become your slave . . . I never asked, nor insisted, that I would like to become your slave!
But since, for some reason you have made me your slave, how is it that I am not worthy to see you at all?
If you don’t like me, if you hate my presence, still, at least stretch your legs from behind a curtain, and I will gently massage your feet!
As your slave I implore, “at least give me something to do!”
prāptamīśa na karoṣi karhicit /
adya māṁ prati kiṁāgataṁ yataḥ
svaprakāśanavidhau vilambase // 11 //
O Lord, at the time of showering grace you ought to have thought whether a person is worthy or not . . . but you never do that!
When you revealed yourself to me I became intoxicated with joy, and then stop! . . . no sign of you coming to me again. Since your grace has made me worthy, what has happened that you hesitate to reveal yourself?
I have been made your slave, but still I don’t see you!
tatra tatra viṣaye bahirvibhāt –
yantara ca parameśvarīyutam /
tvaṁ jagat-tritayanirbharaṁ sadā
lokayeya nijapāṇipūjitam // 12 //
O Lord, there is one desire in me. Whenever I enjoy anything, I want to perceive You along with Pārvatī. Whether in the world of senses or the world of objects, you must appear to me and I will worship you.
But not because I want to see you!
Only, I would like to feel that I am worshipping You and Pārvatī with my own hands, and your fullness would appear to me in all the three worlds.
nirvibandham-adhirūhya sarvadā /
syāṁ prasādaparamāmṛitāsavā –
pāna-keli-parilabdhanirvṛitiḥ // 13 //
Oh, my master Lord Śiva! Without obstacles and without delay, I would like to ascend daily to that throne where you are seated.
And once there, with your divine hands you will pat my back and the grace of that patting will be absolute nectar, and will intoxicate me just like the best Scotch Whisky.
Then O master, holding that bottle, I will dance with You and get absolute peace and satisfaction. This is my desire.
sparśamātravidhinā camatkṛitim /
tāṁ samarpayati tena te vapuḥ
pūjayantyacalabhaktiśālinaḥ // 14 //
O Lord Śiva, how fortunate are those who’s devotion to thee is unwavering! Whenever they hear beautiful soft penetrating sounds, feel intoxicating touch, see beautiful forms, taste delicious tastes or smell wonderful scents they worship you. Perceiving all beautiful things as your body those perfect devotees worship you through their own senses.
viṣvamāmṛiśasi rūpamāmṛiśan /
yatsvayaṁ nijarasena ghūrṇase
tatsamullasati bhāvamaṇḍalam // 15 //
O Lord, through your unbounded joy the whole universe becomes joyful, and when you shine the whole universe shines. When you perceive your own nature, the whole universe is perceived. When your own nectar of God consciousness intoxicates you, the whole universe comes into being and gets intoxicated.
O Lord Śiva, there is not the slightest difference between the Universe and your nature.
paśyatīśa nikhilaṁ bhavadvapuḥ /
svātmapakṣa – paripūrite jagat
yasya nityasukhinaḥ kuto bhayam // 16 //
O Lord (Īśa)! For those devotees, who perceive this whole universe as one with your nature, the totality of the objective world is nothing but your body. For them the universe is filled with God consciousness everywhere.
So where is the place for fear?
For such devotee’s there is no fear, they are always blissful.
kālakūṭamapi me mahāmṛitam /
bhedavṛitti yadi rocate na me // 17 //
O Lord Śiva! What value is there, if I receive that cherished nectar by which the Gods became immortal, and still you are away from me?
I don’t like that, I don’t want that nectar!
On the contrary, there is a tremendous black poison residing in your throat and that only is real nectar to me. Give me that great poisonous nectar. I don’t mind, even if I die, but I want to die in you. This is my desire.
preyasīparigitāśayaḥ sadā // 18 //
O Lord, in this world everybody wants to hear beautiful songs and beautiful music, and have a beautiful girl seated on they’re lap. These things are longed for and desired by everybody.
But listen! I want the same, but in another way.
I want my mouth to be beautified and nectarized by the songs of your devotion. And that beautiful girl should be my worship of you. In that way I want to embrace and be married to that beautiful girl always.
īhitaṁ na bata pārameśvaraṁ
śakyate gaṇayituṁ tathā ca me /
svaṁ na pātumanumanyate tathā // 19 //
“O people, O devotees! Come, hear from me the latest news!”
I have found that Lord Śiva is a fraud and a first class hypocrite. His fraud is so great that you can’t understand it. I haven’t understood it, and it can’t be understood by anybody.
But still, I have come to know that he is a first class fraud and I will prove it to you. He has bestowed upon me that supreme nectar of God consciousness, but he doesn’t allow me to drink according to my choice. He simply says, “I will let you know when you can drink it.”
Is this not fraud?
svaṁ svarūpamakhilārthaghasmaram /
pūjayeyamabhisaṁstuvīya ca // 20 //
O Lord, please forgive me! Leave that fraud-ness aside, I don’t say that, I didn’t mean that, it’s just that I was perturbed.
I know you are one, infinite and eternal, beyond thought and the nature of everybody. You are fond of taking all dualistic cognition in your own nature.
So there is one desire in me, O husband of Pārvatī! I would like to enter in you. But I don’t want to enter and just become one with that blissful state of God consciousness.
That is not my desire!
My main desire is, having entered you, I would adore you and sing your glory always, because it would be very easy to adore you there.Source: Hymns to Shiva, Utpaladeva’s Shivastotravali, revealed by Swami Lakshmanjoo