In this excerpt from the Hymns to Shiva, Utpaladeva’s Shivastotravali Swami Lakshmanjoo shares with us how Utpaladeva desired to embrace his Master (Nātha), “just by my will”, because “by Thy embrace I have conquered everything.”
Chapter 6 (15:53)
भवदङ्गपरिष्वङ्गसम्भोगः स्वेच्छयैव मे ।
घटतामियति प्राप्ते किं नाथ न जितं मया ॥१०॥
bhavadaṅgaparisvaṅga sambhogaḥ svecchayaiva me /
ghaṭatāmiyati prāpte kiṁ nātha na jitaṁ mayā //10//
Nātha, O Master, just by my will112–not by action–just when I desire, bhavadaṅga parisvaṅga saṁbhogaḥ, let the joy of becoming embraced with Thee appear automatically. I don’t want to embrace You. You must embrace me! This is what I desire. Bhavat aṅga pariṣvaṅga saṁbhogaḥ svecchayaiva me ghaṭatām, not by embracing, but by being embraced. I must get embraced by You.113
Iyati prāpte, when this is done, when this appears to me, kiṁ nātha na jitaṁ mayā, I have conquered everything in this world (kiṁ nātha na jitam, I have conquered everything). Each and everything that is to be conquered, that was to be conquered, I have conquered [by Thy embrace].
112 Śāmbhavopāya or īcchopāya, the path (upāya) of will. See appendix 2 for an explanation of the upāyas.
113 “Fruitless practice and meditation is under your control. Fruitful meditation and concentration is under His control. You see, when you meditate for sometime and your mind is not one-pointed, it means you [have] put your own effort–grace is not there. When you meditate and automatically you get one-pointed, you must know that it is His grace that you are pushed in.” Tantrāloka, 13.109 (USF archives).
“Once you are embraced by Him, there is no problem for your meditation.” Ibid, 15.77.